Yesturday I found out my mom has a tumor. It's about the size of my fist and it's located on her liver of all places. At the moment it isn't growing but it's still a tumor.... and it's on her liver, a place that is possibly the worst. People say writing in journals is like talking to God, it makes you calm down and that when you write letters to God that He actually reads them. President Lincoln used to do that. When he was upset with someone or upset he would write them a letter of all the reasons why he was upset with them and then he would put it in an envelope and then set it in his desk, never to be read by them... but to him that was therapy. So I guess I'll write this to God and if anyone else reads this, don't tell me you read it because this is God's letter. LORD, what am I suppose to say to the most high God. I'd prefer to write this in a written journal so it would be more private, just between You and me but You know as well as I do it seems that I never actually get around to writing in that thing even though I keep telling myself I'll start today. I've noticed you've changed me a lot lately, I'm no longer as angry as I was for the foolish reasons I've been angry and I'm not so prone in my sin anymore. In fact I no longer believe that is who I am but instead I am Your's and you made me perfect in all ways. I don't yet believe in my heart that I'm forgiven completely and that you love me when I do bad even but in my head I do believe... I just need you to help me believe God. I don't really feel like writing this letter God but I'm going to anyways because You know I love You even if I do often turn away from You. God I ask you that you help me read Your Word more so that I can grow in you because You tell me all the time that Your Word is my bread and without it I'll dwindle and fall behind. It's true, when I go a while without reading it I feel depressed and lonely and that's where I am right now. It's times like these God that I need you the most; It's right now Lord that I need to know you are still there and are still watching me, showing grace on me and loving me.

Who am I really? You know exactly who I am. You made me, You drew me, You wrote my life before and after and read it. You knew my name before I was even born and spoke it to life. You knew what I would do today and what I will do tomorrow with complete perfect memory and You see me in heaven before I'm even there. You knew what I would be like 20 years from now even when I was still an infant in the womb and it's there that you brought me to life, watched me and took care of me as if I'm Your own son. You loved me from the beginning and even though I love You I know Your love is greater. You spared me from making mistakes that I would always regret and you saved me from people who could ruin my life. Even now I've seen your hand at work before me, shaping my way and leading me to your doorstep. Even now I see you protect me from evils I had no knowledge of and wickedness I only just recently discovered in this world. So God, I know You are great, I know You are true and I know You are the true Master of the Universe... and whatever is beyond that. You are God and I know you are real and I believe in You and what You did for me 2,000 years ago on that cross.... You died for me... You took my cup....

So God I recognize Your power and Your grace and so now I want to open up to you God, I'm tired of playing games in my life and going back and forth between good and evil. They say writing is better than words because words simply fade away but written words stick. So I right my pledge to you God that I do believe you died on the cross for me and that I know I am a child of Your's God. I  believe it, so help me believe truly in my heart. As a child of Your's I ask on behalf of my mother that you cure her God and that you take away the thing inside of her. I don't know what else to say Lord, I prevent myself from saying certain things because I know someone might read this but this isn't for them this is for You God. Perhaps I should have written this, but You and I both know I would have never gotten around to it. So God please read this letter... or email... whatever it is and please God bless my mom, bless me, and save my dad. Save my best friend and help my other friend always be close to you. Help my country come back to You God and let them believe in You again and let this become a nation of God once more.... whatever it takes to get it to become that. That's all for now, I should have just said this in prayer but writing calms me and I'd rather write to you. thank you Jesus.